Hello, you goons! Why are you here I don't know, but it is now my job to entertain you. I am not exactly the best at this, so I am just kinda SHOVING everything into a bunch of MUSH here on the first page, cause I'm a lazy weirdo :D!

So basically, this will be my blog and crap, and if I figure out how to add damn images, my art will also be on here! (hopefully I learn how to do this damn crap sooner or later T-T)

If you know how to make better htmls, please send me tips at swampzysli.mebee@gmail.com! I would be very grateful!

-Feb 20, 2025-

This is my first entry on my site! Woo-hoo! I am not very good at this, but hopefully I get better. What should I write about..? How about my favorite music and tunes! Yeah that sounds alright. I mainly listen to a ton of indie and punk crap. My favorite punk bands are probably The Gobs, Ghoulies, and Skull Cult. I also love tons of other crap, like MookieLaka and Jack Stauber. I wouldn't be able to live without my music. I dont know what I would do. Probably go mad. More than I already am. Wait, I'll link my last.fm so ye can see my music and crap. I like all sorts of music. The only music that I don't really like is country music and pop. I don't know just not my thing. My music inspires a lot in me. I'm going to be a musicain someday. I guess you could say I already am, but not really. I am learning a few songs right now, I wonder if I can post them here when I'm able to play them well... maybe. HOLY CRAP.. I almost forgot to mention my favorite band EVER. The one, The only, GORILLAZ. I fucking LOVE the Gorillaz. The lore, the art, the music. I also may be a little Murdoc crazy as well >:). They are THE BEST. I have been obsessed with them for like a year and a half now. I wish I wasn't born in 2010, becasue then I could've been around when they first came out. I was born in the wrong generation. I wish I was born in the 90s or 2000s. I also really like the 60s. I don't know, I'm just weird. Okay, I think that's good for a first entry. Yippee!! I'm excited to keep writing here. Stay swaggy, MarsheSlime

-March 11th, 2025-

Chaos

My skull is like a styrofoam cooler from the dollar tree, It works pretty well but breaks too easily, Especially when you have all this shit in it. I'm an artist I swear, but I really kinda hate it. I swear to god I'm holding on, but there's no god that I'm worthy of swearing to, and the only thing I'm holding onto is the melting snow from twelve years ago. Because there's so much chaos built up in my mind that I can't get out. I'm scared of the future, I'm not scared of people but the simple fact that they exist as millions of separate individuals horrifies me. Time is infinite but we are not. No one can ever truly kill things they can't hold to begin with. I'm scared. It feels like my chest has cotton in it, not because I'm overwhelmed, I just can't breathe, I can't think yet I can't stop thinking. I want to give everyone the world but the only thing I can afford is a quarter. I cant see out of my eyes if you don't see me. How can anyone remember my face if I don't even recognize myself? I wish I didn't think, I'm not thinking at all, it's not me it's all of these little things that no one else hears, and I can't explain. I'm thinking six things at once, always running on any other mode than default. Shit. My feet are heavy, my knees ache. My stomach feels like it's full of lemonade, my lungs feel like cotton. I think my ribs are made of rubber, and my skin feels like it's moving. My head doesn't hurt, just scream like something broke, gaslighting me into believing that my arms are broken, bent and snapped in eight separate directions. There is so much change I want to make yet I struggle to wake up in the morning, I sit in this little world I have made in my mind, a perfect little world that hurts to tear myself apart from. What is reality? What do I look like in your mind? Am I a conscious interpretation or just a little purple blinking light? I'm scared I'll be forgotten. If you're not remembered, did you really ever exist at all? You know someone was there, someone filled that place but if you don't know their face were they a person or just a role in a situation? I want to hold something, but every time I try I just end up crushing it. I can't hold onto reality because I'll destroy it. Do you understand, why? Don't tell me I'm insane. I'm afraid.

-May 6th, 2025-

I am freaking bored. In the depths of the gulag currently (aka highschool math class ugh) My website looks like shit. I need to figure out how the fuck to make it actually in any sort of way good. I have no clue how to do this fucking math work. send help i may or may not need an ambulence. I wish whatever god of websites out there would desend from the fucking heavens and help me with this shit. School is over in 30 days. I am excited but horrified because I am failing like three classes. My sister just started school. In fact, I just got my sister. Her name is Jadeah we recently adopted her. She is 16. I was adopted last march on saint pattys days. I got a big sign and everything. My casa worker also got me irl stonks that I have no idea what to do with. I dont understand why they are useful, to me it just seems kinda dumb. I also turned 15. yayyyyyyy (not really). I do not want to be old and crinkly. that would not be very apealing to me. My mum got me the FREAKBAiT book for my birthday in march. :) Im real happy about that. Im about halfway thru its really good so far. alr i should prob focus on my shitty shitty math work. good by fellow friends and feinds.

The Ramblings of a Madman

My jaw runs like a rabid animal, scrambling to make sense of a static mess I call my mind. Lips twisting into an uncontrollable smile, sweet but twisted with pure adoration laced with envy. Eyes focused, pupils dilating as if I am an animal stalking its prey. In a constant state of anticipation, waiting and preparing for a moment that isn’t even gone but never meant in the first place. Sweet, sweet painful nothing, beautiful fantasies and assumptions of the warmth of hands that were never there. Holding on to something that never was, grabbing and tearing at the air, needing to destroy something nonexistent, needing to destroy to feel closure for something that was never opened. This obsession, this love driven rage I can’t explain makes me want to drown something that never breathed, pluck the feathers off a bird that never flew, bring death to something that was never animate.

-May 9th, 2025-

I am currently in my discovery class, like a weird preview to the CTE's next year for kids that aren't sure what they want to take. I already know though. I will be taking the film making CTE, I will be making tons of things but I personally want to focus on animation. I have been trying to practice, but do to the fact my phone was banished to the gulag, I am not able to use IBISxPaint (aka the free phone app that I animate with cause I am a broke loser.) I have been making flip books though. The FREAKBAiT book also demanded I make a zine, so I think I may do that as well. Talking about the FREAKBAiT book, I thought it might be cool to talk about my favorite pages and such. When I first got it I just kinda skimmed thru, looked at various photos and drawings. A few notable pages that were my favorite were the one with edgar (from electric dreams go watch it on youtube its fire), crystal-meth yoga page that made my mum chuckle (shes a yoga teacher for context), and the optical illusion butt plug. After a few weeks of it being lost to the void I call my art-desk, I rediscovered it when my mother sent me to go cave diving into the avalache of doodles, clay, and broken pencils. (yes i know i spelt that wrong i could truly give less of a shit.) Then I started actually reading it. Its been very good, my favorite pages so far have been the one about "the war on poverty" and why the miltary is a commerical shitshow, "the people in the big old house" which I believe was about forms of self destruction, and the "course of the crisis" which reminded me of my birth father. I also got quite the laugh out of the "fucking with eavesdroppers" page. For more context I would suggest buying the book, it's defintly worth it. here's the link if you wanna check it out: FREAKBAiT book

Oh yes also, believe it or not here's a personal achivement of mine I feel is worth documenting. I got a boyfriend. Yes my loser ass managed to pull a human being WITHOUT stalking them this time believe it or not. so that's fantastic. Hi anthony if your reading this!

-May 12th, 2025-

DR. EGAN ISN'T HERE TODAY LETS GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! I have humanities later send help. My head has felt like SHIT for the past two days. My jaw, my eyes it fucking sucks. I slept most of the day yeasterday. The only times I got up was to make my mum her mother's day thingy (it was an owl made of water melon), go to yoga which i didn't even do most of the yoga, I just laid down i felt so dizzy, and to clean the bathroom. I also played some video games. My phone is still banished to the gulag, so I haven't been able to access the interwebs and talk to some of my online friends. Hope your doing good adien! alr, ima do some work now.

-May 13th, 2025-

Sorry abt TAJ1009 he's one of my friends online and irl lmao. He has been trying to say rancid shit in my guestbook. He's cool he has all of his OCs I help him with his ocs. His art is getting really good too. My mum also messaged my guest book. Love you mum Ɛ> my mum is awesome. also, thank you frank for going in the guestbook! GORILLAZ FOR LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!

-May 15th, 2025-

Okay soooooo i broke up with anthony. Sorry anthony. I don't know I just guess I didn't like him that much. There's so other people I like. they don't like me and all that personal jibberjabber. shit i have to go do fucking IREADY. kill me please

OOGA FUCKING BOOGA GUESS WHAT (1:49 pm)

so last night i was having my daily crisis, scrolling thru the depths and wonders of my youtube for you page. and i saw something FUCKING BEAUTIFUL. Doctor Nowhere my pookie, one of my favorite artists up there in the ranks with FREAKBAiT and Jack Stauber, FINNALLY FOR THE LOVE OF ALL GODS RELEASED HIS NEW VIDEO WITH LOCUST IN IT AND HOLY SHIT IT WAS STUNNING.(silas orion my soul belongs to you. you are a offical swag lord eos.) I nearly busted at the sight of the notification. I watched that content the need to watch it was simply engraved into my brain nostrils because I have been waiting for so long, ceasing and screaming into the void about how hyped I was. AND IT WAS SO FIREEEEEE. I dont even have to explain it. Go watch it yourself.

May 20th

Violent J being outed as a pedo was not on my 2025 bingo card 💔 LIKE COME ON MAN WE CANT HAVE ANYTHING NICE T-T. Part of me doesn't know what to believe, I'm just gonna wait this shit out. Like please tell me this is a joke or some shit PLEASE J COME ON THIS CAN'T BE TRUE.

May 22nd

I GOT MY FIRST ART COMMISION LIKE EVER!!!!!!!!! This is lit. Thank you broksi. Techinally he didn't reach out to me but did at the same time. He's my friend (TAJ1009) and asked me to draw one of his ocs... doing intresting things (ill explain later) so i, well- forced him to pay me 5 dollars. :) now im drawing a eggplant human hybrid (aka geonaut so he calls it) eating human flesh. (help this is really weird) 5 dollars is 5 dollars tho. I got cheetos with it mwahahahaha. anyways yeah, bye bye >=)

Okay I have a little thingy i needa talk about and this is the only place I trust talking abt it. So there is this boy. His name is Demetrius. I am borderline obsessed with him. He is nice to me, he is funny, he is sweet, and everything on top. he is just perfect, inside and out. He has light brown, straight hair, down to his shoulders that turns in at the end. He always wears the same outfit I swear to god, with a company logo on it for something called msgs. He has light blue eyes, with dark blue rims, they are thinner as well. His eyebrows arent thick, nor are they thin. he has this little smile and stupid laugh and every time I see him I cannot help but grin. He is just so kind. He notices little things about me and remembers that. when I tell him things, he actually cares and listens to what I am saying. We have been friends for quite a few months now. His sense of humor is the best part. He has these silly little expressions for everything, and its halarious. He makes the perfect jokes at just the right time and it never fails to crack me up. He makes my day. I want him to know that. I want him to know how much he means to me. I can't tell if I am lonely, obsessed, have a crush, or I don't even know. But god dear neptune, he is glorious. Not only is he all of those things, but he is smart as well. He is very intuitive. Some of my other friends tell me that he isn't good at reading other people, but that is a lie. He is the only one that notices when something bothers me or when I'm upset. when i'm enthusastic about something he is back. I think he knows that I like him. I hope he knows. He makes video games and is a decently popular youtuber. DCGreecy I believe, go follow him and check out his game Deep In The Machine (a bendy fangame on roblox) He deserves it. he is an amazing human. I remember one time, I kept trying to say something at the table and everyone kept cutting me off. So I just stopped trying to talk about it, but he looked at me and said something along the lines of "you didn't finish," and then let me talk to him about it. My heart warmed on the spot. I can't tell if he is just being a caring friend or actually likes me. a bad habit I have is falling in love with anyone who shows a geniune sense of care for me whatsoever. But he is like heaven on earth. and he deserves to know that, he deserves to know how important he is to me. he is amazing.

-May 28th, 2025-

I wonder if Demetrius likes me the way I like him. There have been a lot of people telling me to go for it. I don't think I can though. I don't want to ruin another friendship again. This fucking sucks man. I don't know what to do. Maybe I should go for it? Just wing it. You only live once. But I dont want to scare him away. I don't know what to do. He is so stunning.

June 2nd, 2025

Once again, I was a fucking idiot and I ruined it. I ruined it I ruined it MOTHERFUCKER. I must've came off to strong again. Here's what happened: I saw he was livestreaming on youtube, playing forsaken. We're friends on roblox and all that, so I wanted to join. I don't have my phone right now, so I didn't really message him before hand, I just joined. Any how, we played only messaged a little bit, and then I left the game. I went back to watch the livestream, about when I joined. He didn't seem very happy that I joined. In fact he stopped playing. He was on call with his friends in the stream, and apparently I must've done something that they find weird or strange that makes them not like me. I commmented on the video afterwards, just a simple "Oh." but then deleted it, because I don't want him to think I noticed. I'm just gonna play it off, shove my feelings down, and keep being his friend. Just like I did with Micaiah. I am a shitty person.

DANTE'S INFERNO IS JUST SELF INSERT FANFICTION AND YOU CAN'T CONVINCE ME OTHERWISE CASE CLOSED

also, here's this little personal revamp of it but with jack stauber instead of that random roman guy. i did it for a school project, and got a little lazy at the end but I could give less of a fuck to be honest

Part B: The Journey Through Hell I staggered behind Jack Stauber wandering on the seemingly endless, overcast fog, and the slight croaking of distant bullfrogs. The rubber soles of my sneakers made uncomfortable squishy sponge-like noises against the moist, cracked asphalt. There were piles of soggy, heavy wet leaves that I almost tripped into, but Jack helped me walk steadily. Among the leaves, were the little pattering of small rodents and squirrels. Scratching up against the ground, kicking pebbles and gravel. Though you could hear them, you could only see them for a mere second out of the corner of your eye. Jack paid no mind to the creatures leading me towards two, bright lights, hidden in fog breaking through mist like a pair of glowing eyes. A large metal monster, with rust chipped framework around four popped deflated tires. A pipe with the smell of smog and gasoline, burnt oil. There was a small blinking red light on the dashboard of the vehicle and an uneasy static noise of an FM radio. A steel door with chipped and matte red paint hung off the truck, hanging on by its bottom hinges blowing slightly in the wind. It was chilly enough that it was uncomfortable, the wind bitter enough to bite your ears, but enough that the air wouldn’t become thick when you spoke. In the car, tangled and stuck in the seat belt, his large, bulky arms in hand twisted in unnatural ways. There was no head rest on the old torn synthetic leather seat. His head bobbed, keeping its own weight up. The chair pushed up towards the steering wheel, so his knees were always touching the scratched plastic underside of the dashboard. It was at an irregular angle, leaning back just enough so you would get a headache if you tried to look at the road. I hid behind Jack, cringing with unease imagining myself in the uncomfortable situation before me. Suddenly, the little scurrying, clawed creatures emerged from the trunk of the truck, making their way through the window, revealing themselves. One of them looked flattened like a pancake, its body being stretched and pressed with a pattern similar to a waffle maker in its chest. Another, missing patches of fur, with an empty, hollow socket where the marble sized eye would be. A third squirrel sprung from behind the man as he let out guttural groans. They began ripping at the man’s longer hair, and his scraggly beard. Tearing away chunks of thick curly hair, causing the main to groan and cry in agony. Chewing away at his clothes, the half decomposing rodents nibbled at his leather watch, scratching and pulling at his leg hair. He cried, sobbing in agony, in a hoarse voice he boomed, “Why, get them off please…! These damn rodents, I apologize! Please I beg of you, get them off!” He flailed his arms struggling against the seatbelt straps he was entangled in.

This shit is buns how tf did i get a four on this

June 4th, 2025

I haven't had a decent yap session on here in a bit. my sites getting crowded mwahahahahaha. I love my mess of a site. The funniest part is how honesty accesablie it is. all of these pro-ai man whores are talking about "art being to complicated or unaccessable" and all that bullshit, but here i sit, on my school fucking school fucking chromebook making a website off of CHROME. I first heard about neocities in a youtube video essay someone made about the old web, which fascinated me. sadly, durning the final days of the old web i was an little guy eating plastic ball pit balls from the mcdonalds playplace. the dissapointment of being born in 2010 rip. i wish i was born earlier, I would have expereinced so much more. I hope one day they make time machines cause i really REALLY wanna see nirvana on tour i dont CARE if it fucks up the timeline. I wish I was around for some of the first gorillaz albums, and all of that. I hate my generation, as much as i love it at the same time. On one side, their gullible screen addicted goons, but on the other side thats what they were almost pushed into being by their parents so is it really their fault. And no i am not saying i am any better than them, I am a fucking loser with unrealistic goals, who is activley frying my brain on a mix of shitty music, weed, and electronics. What more can I do? okay my math teacher is harrassing me again I must vanish.

June 6th, 2025

My mums in new york till like tomorrow night. she left yeasterday. I still dont have my phone back SEND HELP. once i do i lowkey think im gonna delete tiktok. I just have grown not to fond of it since the ban, and its only getting worse to be honest. I hate the constant allagations theyll throw against anyone just because their bored. Its also just like addicting in my opinion. i have like 6hrs screen time on tiktok alone. its not healthy. DELETE TIKTOK GUYS!! (or dont i dont care you do you, slay your way.)

June 9th, 2025

Im yapping about shit i like and dont like now cause I fucking feel like it. Yes believe it or not my brain rotted gen z shit-schizopost mad excuse of a brain is inspired by things. I love art. Weird guys that make weird things. Like FREAKBAiT, Jack Stauber, Nobey One, etc etc. I am also tempted to say that I am inspired by the old web, but I am afraid I will get struck by freaky millenails screaming "YOU WERENT HERE FOR THE OLD WEB" in their pure rage induced terror. I still like the idea of the old web so suck my 69 inch MONSTER SHLONG. I also like those creepy-psa shit. Not the content farm shitposts, but the actual archives of old offputting psas that i personally believe should be put back on tv to make kids piss themselve and stop my fellow teenagers from huffing and puffing their rainbow sparkle piss lime flavored smoke dildos. I dont really care that much you do you. But at the same time the people that make it their whole personallity are annoying as fuck. This is hypocritical, as one who smokes weed, but at the same time Vapes are just like- annoyingly worshiped. The bathroom isnt the bathroom anymore its the goon cult circle of popular girls seeing who can shove their nail up their ass the farthest whilest giving their vapes a blowjob. or i have seen people stab people over this shit. i understand the temptation and if you are one who smokes vapes, go ahead just be mentally sane slightly please. Same thing with people that smoke weed. As one myself, we normally have a mutual respect for most people, not really friends more say smoke buddies, but if your overhere bragging about how last year you beat your record for greening out and getting pegged with a bong, you just annoy me. Or one time me and this one girl were smoking and she kept screaming about it to strangers like: "OHHHH teehee I'm SOOOOO High rn hehehehe" I actually wanted to back hand her and tell her to stfu cause its embarrasing as fuck. You arent special cause you have a bad or good for that matter habit. Like you arent better than someone cause you do yoga, or are vegan, or smoke weed, or whatever the fuck you do. If you do think that, are you actually doing that for you or just to show off to a bunch of people to feel utimatley validated someway? I don't know this is just a ranble rant sesh.

June 16th, 2025

IM TELLING DEMETRIUS TODAY IM GONNA JUMP. HOLY SHIT. IM SO HYPED AHHHH!!! also my dad is prob super dissapointed in me cause i gotta go to summer school. okay time to crash out- BYEEEEE also guess what yeastie girlz emailed me back and they are super cool anyways bYEEEEE ugh.

June 17th,2025

He said no. i dont know im just fucking tweaking. my parents hate me as well they don't believe a word that comes out of my mouth. I am not going too, but I want to die. what is it called when you want to die but dont want to kill yourself? I don't know. I feel like i am just spiralling into a fucking mess. I can't picture myself grown. I don't know what I'm gonna do, what I'm gonna be. I know what I want to be I just can't picture myself ever getting there. It's just an unrealistic dream. I'm a deleusional dissapointment. I'm never gonna make it in the real world.

I'm gonna end up just like my birth mother.

June 25th,2025

Hello comrades! sorry about the crisis i was having for a bit, i am like 30% more okay now, and have managed to retain my sanity. but i am BACK! and its SUMMMMERRRR. i do have summer school tho, but i alr finsihed math and humanities, and i only have like two more assignments in science so i think i got this in the bag. i have been making a shopping list for my witch shit. i want to remake my altar, its a bit messy and thrown together right now. I want to get statutes of my two main deities Suetekh and Thoth (yes i am named after Suetekh). I am also looking to get a new book of shadows. im exciteedddd of course i needa get a job first. i STILL dont have my phone back T_T i wanna animate shit. my parents also took my BABIES MY CHILDERN (my guitars). my acoustic guitar is named Jack (after the one the only Jack Stauber) and my electric guitar is named Squid, because when I first got it I thought the Squire logo said Squid. also, i gotta thing i kinda wanna yap about cause i can't really tell no one. this is copy and pasted from my tumblr.

okay this is super random and stupid i just need somewhere to say this cause i can't tell my family rn and really need to talk about it cause its been bothering me all day. for context, i live with my grandfather. my grandfather, (hes like 80 i think) doesn't have a significant other. I've never really cared tho tbh. but a few days ago, someone i know was telling me that he was being like super creepy with them. i didnt believe them at first cause said person is known for lying and causing drama, you know the deal. anyways, getting to my point earlier today my grandfather was being REALLY creepy with me. it made me super uncomfortable and now im paranoid that hes watching me sleep or doing other creepy shit that i havent known until now. and by "creepy" shit i mean, i was doing my homework and he came in to let out the dogs, not out of the ordinary. he starts yapping asking me how homeworks going, i say good, whatever whatever. he doesnt move hes like super close behind me. hes like grabbing my shoulders rubbing them and shit. then he starts playing with my hair, saying that my hair is getting really long. im speechless and nervous. shitting fucking bricks, idk what to do. so i just am like "yeah i guess" really quietly. then HES STARTS LIKE RUBBING HIS HAND DOWN MY BACK AND SPINE AND SHIT. i wanted to throw up and now im scared hes gonna fucking try and get me alone or do something. im just gonna try and distance myself from him, i dont know what else I can do. i dont think i can tell my mum or family, cause that would cause a lot of shit and she would never believe me. sorry for yapping a ton, i just needed to get this off my chest.

but anyways yeah that happened. okay i gotta go work on school shit now. also jadeahs gone again. she came, left, came back, and then left again a week later. but yeahhhhh bye for now!

its like 11 at night rn. i think i really fucked it over with demetrius. i really think i ruined it. i shouldve just kept it too myself. i should have just buried it down, stayed quiet but no. I fucked it up, i made him uncomfortable, and now he probably never wants to talk to me again. im such a fucking idiot. he hasnt even talked to me about the letter. not a peep. im not gonna bring it up. i dont wanna make this situation worst than it already is. Im just gonna leave him alone. Let him forget about me. he probably will over the summer. fuck all my friends probably will, except for like vera and tristyn maybe. i would want to forget about me too.

I will always be emotionally alone. i will never find a sane or healthy person in my life that understands how i feel. I will never be loved emotionally for who i am. just who i pretend to be.

half of my friends dont even know who i am. they dont know what happened to me, where i came from. I had so much taken from me. i have been used to other peoples advantage in so many nasty ways that make me want to hurl my guts. i have done disgusting things to people, an i deny them to selfishly protect myself. i am selfish. i am gonna go to bed. i am tired af. my brain is melting. goodnight everyone.

June 26th,2025

GUESS WHAT. i just finsished SUMMER SCHOOLLL! ABSOLUTE CINEMA. also I AM GOING TO COMMIT WARCRIMES IN ORDER TO PAY FOR A GORILLAZ T SHIRT I GOT AN EMAIL ABOUT! everytime i get an email from gorillaz i piss, have a stroke, give birth, and proceed to reincarnate. BUT I NEED THIS SHIRT. my unemployed a s s needs to figure out HOW THE FUCK TO GET 40$. I plan to paint a local store owners window sign thing, idk how much shell pay me but hopefully its good. if not i can harass bystanders at the park selling my drawings. I FUCKING LOVE THE GORILLAZ. I need to make a gorillaz shrine. I also want to make a seperate button to direct to shrine and shit. im gonna work on that now!

July 11th,2025

havent yapped here in a bit sorry about that. i was focusing a lot on my own shit. okay so were OVER demetrius (he ghosted me anyways). for the last few weeks ive mainly been working on my personal stuff like fanfiction, I'll link it in my dead dove shrine cause it is a... intresting fic say the least. Also, me and my no one pookie bestie for life Vanessa were hanging out a ton, so i was focusing on her, cause we dont get to see each other often. it was super fun we tottally 100 perecent not shoplifted and legally bought food from the dollar tree like nice little children, we went on a ton of walks to hang out at livingston, fucked over our sleep scendules, and overall just had a blast. she is the bestest friend ever. alsoooo... theres a boy, who i think THINK likes me. his brother told me that he likes me, and i like him a lot, hes HOT, hes nice, a great person, we have the same intrests, FUCK he even likes doctor nowhere and all of my favorite analog horror!! hes amazing. hes super sweet as well. im scared mainly cause well, demetrius publicly friendzoned me in the MST gc after i confessed to him than ghosted me, micaiah friendzoned me twice and then avoided me for months, anthony only lasted a week plus he lied about his age to me, taylor was a fucking creep who cheated on me, and LUCAS... dont even get me started on FUCKING LUCAS. BITCH USED TO LACE MY SHIT fucking DRUG ME basically and then proceed to SEXUALLY ASSALT ME. on MULTIPLE occasions. THEN HE LEFT ME FOR NO FUCKING REASON, came back a few weeks later, we got back together, BUT HE WAS CHEATING ON A DIFFRENT GIRL WITH ME, tried to get me to HAVE SEX WITH HIM, guilt tripped me, told me it was MY FAULT called me a bitch then left! sorry i went on a rant, i just have a bit of a reason to be a little afraid to start a relationship... i really like this boy, and think hes sweet as pie, but im also scared im misinterpreting it, will obsess again, then get crushed for another three months. lol i guess thats why they call it a crush. crushs your mind, soul, heart, and body, and then skins you alive. i hope he likes me. im so tired of being alone and used. i hate it so much.

July 15th,2025

I CANT BELIEVE I HAVENT TOLD YALL ABOUT THIS YET IVE BEEN SLACKING IM SORRYYYY T_T but remember how i was yapping about demetrius?? well anyways, so remeber the boy i was yapping about??? WELLLL HE ASKED ME OUT ON THE 13th!! WOOOOOHOOOOO!! hes the FUCKING BEST... hes everything and more. AND HE GEINUENLY LIKES ME... thats just mind blowing to me. SOMEBODY. ACTUALLY. LIKES. ME???? LIKE HOLY SHIT!!! he is actually THE BEST. we are so alike its geinuenly insane. hes just the fucking greatest i cant even put it into words. alr i should prob go to bed now its almost one in the morning. goodnight!!!